So I'm a tech geek. It's a sad fact. I love gadgets and computers and the like. When the day comes, I only hope that I have enough money to buy the first real R2-D2 robot. Maybe a robot maid, too, like Rosie from the Jetsons.

Anyway being said geek, I like to keep up on the trends with computers and toys. Sadly, I'm paid like shit by my fascist evil megacorp for whom I work. So I can't buy anything. Just window shop. (Although I did get a Palm Pilot two and a half years ago, making me on the early edge of that trend ...)

One of the very interesting trends that I've been following for damn near five years now is this wireless Bluetooth thing.

Bluetooth is a wireless technology specification for small-form devices such as mobile computers, mobile phones, other portable handheld devices, and connectivity to the Internet. It's kind of like a common language so all of your gadgets can talk amongst themselves.

So way back in the fall or winter of 1998 I remember reading an article that said how Bluetooth will revolutionize computers ... and your house! As soon as your car pulls into your driveway your house (all connected on a network and junk) will know that it's you by interfacing with your Bluetooth-enhanced car. Your doors will automatically unlock, your lights will turn on, the stove will preheat to the temperature specified by the recipe picked for tonight's dinner on your Bluetooth enhanced Palm PDA's calendar, cross-referenced with your recipe book on your Bluetooth compatible computer upstairs in the den.

With such industry leaders as 3com, Agere, Ericsson, IBM, Intel, Microsoft, Motorola, Nokia and Toshiba all onboard, every product in your house will be connectable. I mean, currently you can get damn near everything in Sears Bluetooth-related: Toshiba Refrigerator-freezer, Toshiba Fully automatic electric washer-dryer, Toshiba Combination Microwave Oven, EMTAC Technology Corp's Bluetooth GPS Receiver, Compaq's iPAQ Pocket PC, Fujitsu's Wireless Modem and then something called a "Bluetooth USB Dongle". hee-hee-hee.

It's kinda a scary Bluetooth future. I mean, what if, say, the batteries die in your Palm Pilot (not that ANYONE would ever be dumb enough to let that happen ...)

But you know what? This scary Bluetooth future is as far off as the Jetsons.

I mean, it's the year 2003 now. I won't get into that whole "why don't we have flying cars" discussion that Kevin Smith did for Jay Leno last year in The Flying Car (Randal: It's times like this it occurs to me that we were lied to by "The Jetsons". According to that show we were suppose to be tooling around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the problem with TV, it always lies to us.)

But it hit me when I was kinda a little late to work last week. (Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "little" with "very".) Every clock in my house is set to a different time!! It's not my fault that I'm late! I mean, my watch is different than my VCR, which is different than my computer, which is different than my alarm clock, which is different than my car's clock, which is always WAAY different than my kitchen clock. I mean, it's like I have five time zones in my apartment and then one other time zone in a little bubble around me based on my watch, kinda like how Arizona is its own little time zone because the freaks down there don't celebrate Daylight Savings Time. Freaks! How am I supposed to know what time it is?!?

Bluetooth is a great theory, but I don't need it yet. I don't want it yet. You know what I want? I want clocks that talk to each other. That reset each other to THE CORRECT TIME. I want them all to hop on The World Time Server and sync up. That's useful to me.

That, and if Rosie from the Jetsons vacuummed up that freakin' Orbity. Springy little bitch.

- Josh Edwards