I don't know if it's just me, but I only dream in the morning. You know, I wake up a little, roll over, go back to sleep, and then dream. Or maybe more accurately, I only remember my dreams from the morning. Either way, I used to only remember dreams I had on the weekend, since that's when I'd wake up and fall back asleep.

But now living with Shannon, who works early in the morn, I usually wake up at some point when she's getting ready at 6 am. Thus, I go back to sleep for two hours. And then remember my dreams.

This morning's dream was creepy - I went to a job interview with a producer, but I was in sweatpants, a baseball hat, unshaven, with an incomplete resume. Then the power went out. Not in real life, in the dream. I don't know, it was bad, but not horrible. Crazy Holly wasn't in there, at least. =)

Yesterday, however, was a truly frightening dream.

It started in a parking garage - in this big building the first eight floors were a parking garage. Kind of like Warren Towers at Boston University. Above the parking garage was a real building, a hotel.

I was in a banquet hall on the fifteenth floor at a fancy reception. It was boring. The carpet was red. I don't remember much more than that. I was sitting with boring people, I don't think I knew them.

At some point I had to go to the bathroom. I walked to the bathroom on the fifteenth floor, but it was out of service. I asked a snotty waiter where the next nearest bathroom said, he said on the roof. I severely doubted that the nearest bathroom was all the way up there, but I really had to go so I wasn't up for exploration of this foreign building.

I took the elevator to the roof, but it was kind of like the parking garages in Santa Monica, you know, on Second and Fourth Streets, where you take the elevator to the roof, but then you might have to walk up another half-floor to the real top of the roof.

So I go all the way to the roof, have to walk even farther, across those metal grates that you see on city streets, kind of like the ones at the end of Empire that Luke falls through on Bespin. I don't like those. I get to the bathroom, it's really big and yellow. Yellow marble. Fancy. And empty, except for the blind attendant, like in the first Austin Powers. But he was black.

Weirdly enough, the bathroom didn't have stalls, per se. The toilets had little half stalls that came up to your waist. No doors. It was weird. Luckily, nobody else was around, so I didn't have any problems getting going. (Don't ask, it's a long story.)

Then all of a sudden, something like eighty people come it, decorating for Christmas. What?

One lady was a foot behind me, hanging a big Chinese lantern. (Yes, I know that's not very Christmassy, but then again, it IS January ...) In fact, I think most of the workers were women. I mentioned something like that to one of them, and wasn't this the men's room? She was snotty. Whatever hotel this was, I don't recommend it - most of the employees were pains in the ass.

Anyway, I finish, don't give the blind attendant any money (I don't believe in bathroom attendants) and go outside.

For some reason I had to walk up stairs, which logically isn't possible, since I was on the top of the roof already. It was only a few stairs, like five or so. At the top I saw about six little monkey stuffed animals. They were really skinny, about a foot long, light gray fur, darker gray hands, feet and faces. At first I thought it was weird that someone lost six identical stuffed monkeys.

Then one moved.

Just a little bit, kind of rolling over, groaning.

I looked around, and there were monkeys all over the roof.

Some of them were sprawled out, like they had fallen and broken their backs. Others had pools of bright green vomit/blood around their mouths. They weren't covering the roof, but you couldn't walk in a straight line without stepping on one. I constantly was sidestepping, left, right, left - kind of like when I was little and we'd have LEGOs all over my bedroom floor. Big, hairy, neon green vomit soaked LEGOs.

At that point other people were around, but nobody was as freaked out as I was. And the monkeys, they were making a weird moaning/squeaking noise. Only some of them were, others were very still - I think they were dead.

As I got to that grate, you know, like the one from Star Wars, I saw a bigger monkey, about two feet tall - he actually looked like the monkeys from Disney's Dinosaur, he had white fur and a brown face. It was so gross, he was actually violently vomiting the neon green down the grate. Literally puking his guts out.

This was, by far, a very disturbing dream.

At that point I kind of fast forwarded the dream, or stopped paying so much attention, like it was on a TV. I went back to dinner, then to my hotel room. I was sharing it with two other people, I think one was Shannon, the other was Ross Gellar - from Friends. Not David Schwimmer, he was full on Ross. We all had to sleep in one bed, a fairly small bed. Ross was all freaked out about sleeping with a girl - so he put on two pair of tighty-whitey underwear. And he told us, in that lilted Ross scream, "Well I put on TWO PAIR of underwear!!" And got into bed.

Luckily I woke up about then, and decided to get up for real, lest I have an even more disturbing dream afterwards.

- Josh Edwards