So you know how last time I said that I wanted more time to write? Well, fate, or God, or Allah or the ancestors or whatever you believe in took me up on it.

My girlfriend broke up with me.

Seriously.

The coolest girl in the world is gone.

And for the last two weeks I have been utterly crushed and devestated. Like, painfully, curled up in a fetal position, feel like crying every hour on the hour devestated.

Yes, it happened two weeks ago, and I haven't written a damn thing about it. Me, the guy who usually writes about all the mundane shit in my life, and I haven't told you the biggest thing to happen to me in the past year, if not longer.

I'm just lost my passion.

Now I'm not suicidal or anything, please don't worry about that. But I guess I really had some deep feelings for my former girlfriend. I mean, yeah, I knew I liked her lots when I was cool with hanging out with her almost every night a week. That's not my style at all. I usually like a little "Josh time" to hang out with myself. I always have, even when Daniel and I were little. In the summers when we'd sleep in the same room (so the other room could be filled to the ceiling with LEGOs, pretty much) I'd go crazy and sleep in the playroom every once and a while. I just like my space.

But then this year when I went back home for a week and a half for the holidays in December I realized how much I missed her. And no, don't be cynical, it wasn't all the huggy-kissy stuff I missed. (Although yes, I did miss that). I just missed talking with her. Telling her about my day, and hearing about hers. Telling her about the things I saw that reminded me of her. Or things that she'd enjoy. I really missed her.

Then in January when I returned we did like, a zillion cool things together. We went to Vegas and stayed at Ceasars, which was so cool. Then we went to San Francisco and she showed me all around (I had never been there in five years in California!!) which was even cooler. Then we went to Orlando and stayed at Disney's Boardwalk Inn. And you know how cool I think that is. We had so much fun!

I don't know, I could really talk about lots here, but I'm not going to. Sure, I made some mistakes, we all do in our relationships. And neither of us are perfect (although at times she came very close, I think). I guess I should say "were perfect" as in past tense, as in over.

And that's the hard part. Just because we spent so much time together everything reminds me of her. Like that really annoying song for Knotts Berry Farm on the TV commercial that I just saw? She hates that. Every little thing that I see all day every day reminds me of her, and then I miss her because she doesn't want to be with me any more.

The coolest girl in the world is gone. And I'm so sad.

Now I have the time to write, but the passion is gone from my life. I know what I've just written here sucks - it's not funny, it's not random, it's just ... bleh ... but the words aren't coming out right. Nothing is right anymore.

- Josh Edwards