I got the best junk e-mail today. "New Microsoft technology visibly reduces spam".

Spam in this case not referring to luncheon meat, but the network abuse, particularly massive junk e-mail.

Yup. Microsoft, that evil giant mega-corporation bend on world domination, is hawking it's anti-junk e-mail MSN 8 Internet Services with, you guessed it, junk e-mail.

Now, I have three e-mail accounts, my top-secret home account, my very public yahoo account, and work. Somehow, "they" have gotten my work account, and every week I get dozens of random spam messages. I mean, they're all across the map. Yet, somehow they're all distinctly American. Check it out:

TattleTale....never before released softwareQU
IS YOUR SPOUSE CHEATING ONLINE???
FIND THEIR PASSWORD TO EVERYTHING
DO NOT be CAUGHT OFF GUARD!

Human Growth Hormones for $24.99, feel and look Younger!
Want to Feel Healthy and Young Again without Taking Drugs!?
You Can Grow Younger with Human Growth Hormone HGH Therapy!

Would you like to regain a youthful vigor for life?
Are you feeling old and not yet 40? Are you tired, run down and suffering from
stress? Have you lost your joy for life? Are you suffering from a decreased sexual
libido? When you passed 30 did a "spare tire" surround your midriff that you can't
seem to get rid of? Are your wrinkles getting wrinkles?

Eat pizza, watch TV ... and lose 22 pounds?!
Howdy,

If you're like me, you've tried EVERYTHING to lose
weight. I know how you feel - the special diets,
miracle pills, and fancy exercise equipment never helped
me lose a pound either. It seemed like the harder I tried,
the bigger I got, until I heard about a product called
Power Diet Plus.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Oh geez, not another
miracle diet pill!" Like you, I was skeptical at first, but
my sister swore it helped her lose 23 pounds in just two weeks,
so I told her I'd give it a shot. I mean, there was nothing
to lose except a lot of weight! Let me tell you, it was
the best decision I've ever made. Period. Six months later,
as I'm writing this message to you, I've gone from 355 pounds
to 210 pounds, and I haven't changed my exercise routine or diet
at all. Yes, I still eat pizza, and lots of it!

I was so happy with the results that I contacted the manufacturer
and got permission to resell it - at a BIG discount. I want
to help other people lose weight like I did, because it
does so much for your self-esteem, not to mention your health.
I give you my personal pledge that Power Diet Plus
absolutely WILL WORK FOR YOU. If it doesn't, you can return it
any time for a full refund.

If you are frustrated with trying other products, not having
any success, and just not getting the results you were promised,
then I recommend the only product that worked for me - POWER DIET
PLUS.

You're probably asking yourself, "Ok, so how does this stuff
actually work?"

Power Diet Plus contains Lipotropic fat burners which are
scientifically proven to increase metabolism and cause rapid
weight loss. No "hocus pocus" in these pills - just RESULTS, RESULTS,
RESULTS!!

Here is the bottom line ...

I can help you lose 10-15 pounds per week naturally, without
exercising and without having to eat rice cakes all day.
Just try it for one month - there's nothing to lose, and everything
to gain. You will lose weight fast - GUARANTEED. That is my
pledge to you.

To order Power Diet Plus on our secure server, just click
on the link below:

Financial freedom in 24 days or less
Hello,

Would you like to make $100,000 a year online? If so,
then this is your magical email to the kingdom of financial freedom.
Think about how life would be WITHOUT an alarm clock waking
you up every morning. Or sitting in traffic all morning. Are
you frustrated that you belong to the corporate world? IMAGINE
your daily commute taking 20 seconds as you walk to your computer!

Is this just a dream? Many people think so but they are ABSOLUTELY
WRONG. Financial freedom is given to people who jump at the
opportunity, not to those who hesitate. 2 years ago I was just like you,
I was making $12 an hour working my butt off struggling to pay my bills.

One day, a friend of mine introduced me to the GREATEST business ever
created online. Within 6 months of working just an hour a day, I was able to
quit my full time job and leave the corporate world FOREVER.

Now I would like to share this opportunity with you. It is MY DUTY to help
you get to the places you dream about, and I'm about to do just that. Normally,
there is a $29.99 charge associated with joining this business. But for the next 48 hours,
you can sign up, ABSOLUTELY FREE. Even if this isn't the opportunity of a lifetime,
how can you afford to pass up this chance? You have nothing to lose! No credit card
required, Nothing! All you have to do is click on the link below to learn more about this
AMAZING business.

Get whiter teeth in One week! Guaranteed!
PROF. TEETH WHITENING KIT $24.99
-RETAILS $399

Why pay $400.00 at the dentist when you can pay $24.99.

THESE KITS CONTAIN 27 FULL APPLICATIONS

THIS PRODUCT IS EXACTLY WHAT THE DENTISTS USE. YES, EXACTLY
AS THE DENTISTS USE.

This products is used by Actors, Models and Media people to Improve Appearance.
It is safe and effective on stained teeth.
Totally harmless and is Department of Trade and Industry Approved.

CAUTION: THERE ARE OTHER VENDOR S OUT IN THE MARKET PLACE
SELLING TEETH BLEACHING KITS WITH 16%, 19% AND EVEN 22% PEROXIDE
BLEACH... THEY'RE CLAIMING TO BE DENTAL PROFESSIONALS, ETC..
HOWEVER, WHAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU IS THAT TYPE OF HIGH PEROXYDE
LEVELS CAN PERMANENTLY BLEACH YOUR TONGUE, GUMS AND ALL OF
YOUR MOUTH THAT THIS PRODUCT TOUCHES AND THAT'S NOT SAFE!!!! DO
YOU WANT A WHITE TONGUE OR GUMS???

This product is the only of it's kind to use oxygenating action bubbles to whiten your
teeth. It's activated by your own saliva AND DOES NOT WHITEN ANY OTHER PART
OF YOUR MOUTH EXCEPT YOUR TEETH.
RESULTS ARE 100% GUARANTEED AND IT'S COMPLETELY SAFE.
This whitening gel has been on sale around the world and has sold millions of units
WHY SO CHEAP THEN???BECAUSE WE'VE NEGOTIATED A MAJOR DEAL WITH
THE MANUFACTURER OF 1,000,000 UNITS OVER THE NEXT 5 YEARS. OVER
5,000,000 OF THIS ITEM HAS BEEN SOLD WORLDWIDE AND NOW WE HAVE
BEEN LICENSED BY THE MANUFACTURER TO DISTRIBUTE THIS UNDER OUR
OWN BRAND NAME.

RESULTS ARE GUARANTEED!!!

And these are just the ones from work! Yahoo seems to block most of my spam, but sometimes things slip through. Like these:

Begin losing those extra pounds today 7705cknV-8
Are you looking for a solution for Weight Loss. So was I until I
found an incredible product called Thermo Phen Phen. I lost over
30 pounds the first month I used this product and ended up
losing over 100 pounds. Many people that see my before and after
pictures have a hard time believing that they are both pictures
of the same person because I look so different. You
can see my pictures for yourself by visiting one of the sites
below.

Make cash daily from this inexpensive, one of a kind program!
Hi,

I joined this program a few months ago for just $12.95!
I did nothing else and within 5 minutes,
I had a new member, 10 minutes later I had 2 more!
Best part I had their payment at the same time!

There is no form to fill out and you don't give your address or other
personal information. You go to the site and click to sign up,
this takes you to Paypal where you make a $7.00 payment to the person
who invited you to their web page. Then you make a $5.95 payment to
DALMONEY for your website and monthly ezine subscription.

That's it no other costs, BUT because this is not an MLM you get a
portion of every member that signs up after you whether you
invited them or not!

Because as soon as I signed up and made my payments 3 people joined I
got them! So I spent $12.95 but in less than 20 minutes I got back
$21.00!
Now this may or may not happen to you, most new members do not get
spillover that fast.
Because this is a simple to understand program that is inexpensive, it
is the easiest thing on the net to promote! When I started I got 3 free
members,
but I have in the last several months recruited 200 more using free
safelists.

NOW, let's do the math! 203 times $7.00 every month=$1421.00 (real dollars)
and it grows every month since I am recruiting about 20 new members each month,
oh yeah! I get a share of every member that is recruited by one of my recruits!
COOL HUH!

This program is not like anything you have ever seen about or heard about before.

Go to the website and read how it works, then sign up if you like it!

I thank you for your time.
All the best,
John

TiVo If you don't believe us, ask our customers
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full refund. Hurry--while supplies last!

Hmmmm. Actually, that last one sounds good. But I've always wanted a TiVo, the spam didn't sway me.

The rest though, it's just sad. Teeth whitening ... fast! Weight loss ... easy! Money making ... cheap! Feel younger ... simple! It's like the ideal American dream. Oh, don't forget about spying on your spouse or loved one. That's American, too.

So what does that say about me? Am I generic?

Hey, I'm just happy there's no "PENIS ENLARGEMENTS, PLEASE YOUR WOMAN ... FINALLY!" in my inbox. The rest are easy to delete ...

- Josh Edwards