Now, we know from popular fiction that zombies don’t run. Real zombies shuffle around, moaning that they want to eat brains. In fact, that’s all that zombies do – shuffle and moan.

Thus real zombies do not run, jump, or climb stairs. That’s why living on the second floor is the best idea to avoid zombie attacks. They can’t get to you.

Any popular fiction where zombies do run, jump, or climb stairs is patently wrong and should be disregarded.

But last night, in my Target brand NyQuil-induced haze, I had a thought – what if zombies knocked down the walls of the first floor? Knocked down the whole house?

Then you’d be in trouble.


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