Sadly because I don't get TBS, which aired the American League Championship Series, my only playoff baseball watching option was the National League Championship Series on Fox.
I've got to say, stomaching former-Red Sox, current-Dodger Manny Ramirez in ol' number 99 was tougher than I had imagined. But it was an important part of the process of helping me steel up for next year - when he debuts in pinstripes. Yes, the only team in the major leagues stupid and rich enough to sign Manny will be the dreaded New York Yankees. I'm telling you this now.
Anyway, during the many, many commercial breaks on Fox, I saw this one ad that damn near killed me. I'm sure they were showing it on TBS, too.
It's for Gillette deodorant, and it stars New York Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter. The gist is he's leaving Boston's Fenway Park to a hoard of booing fans, And he says "What does that sound like to you? Defeat? Not to me. To me it sounds like victory. Blah blah blah. I'm so glad Madonna is divorced so I can go have the sex with her some more. I'm Derek Jeter, and I approved this message."
Okay, so I made up the last part.
But the first part is all true - which kills me, since Gillette and Boston used to be synonymous.
Have you ever seen that huge manufacturing plant in South Boston? Gillette.
Or a couple of floors in the Prudential Tower? Gillette.
Or the stadium in Foxborough, Massachusetts where the Patriots play? (No, not CMGI Field, thankyouverymuch!) "Gillette Stadium".
Or how about the gynecologic oncology center at Massachusetts General Hospital? The "Gillette Center for Gynecologic Oncology".
(Okay, I didn't know that one until I found it on Google, but still ...)
Then in 2005 Cincinnati-based Procter & Gamble gobbled up Gillette.
And now we have Jeter in ads.
The sad part is that there's no way to accurately translate this it to the folks in charge at P&G. The Cincinnati Reds A) have no good players and B) have no good rivals. In fact, I think this year the team skipped all of their games in July, and nobody cared.
I think the last All-Star they sent was Ewell "The Whip" Blackwell back before my Dad was born, and nobody cares.
When they demolished Riverfront Stadium in 2002 half of the pitching staff was still inside, and nobody cared.
Topps hasn't made a baseball card for a Reds player since they were called "the Red Stockings", and nope - nobody cares.
Anyway, I've decided to make a list of people that P&G should consider for next year's Gillette commercials. It's by no means complete, or in any order whatsoever, but it'll be a good starting point:
- Aerosmith
Ben Affleck
John Hancock
New Kids on the Block
Matt Damon
Sam Adams
Dennis Leary
Conan O'Brien
Paul Revere
Emily Dickinson
Robert Frost
Eliza Dushku
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Casey Affleck
John Winthrop
Click and Clack
Theo Epstein
Crispus Attucks
Mark Wahlberg
JFK
I hope someone in Cincinnati is listening ...
